Well, I had hoped to talk to TK last week, and it just didn’t happen. He ended up working all weekend, 12-15 hour days (Super Bowl is their busiest weekend), and I hardly saw him as it was. When I was able to spend time with him, I had to share with his kids, which I am fine with but it’s not necessarily conducive to a significant conversation about our relationship.
I know we’ll get there…although we are not married, we still have the same struggles that married couples have with trying to find alone time. It’s made even more difficult by the fact that we live apart. TK did manage to come over one night last week, after he got his kids to bed, just to be with me. We were both exhausted, though, and emotionally I was not up to having The conversation with him. There were more immediate things to discuss, and he needed to vent about work, so it is what it is and I’m okay with that.
Since we are planning to join households at the end of the school year, we do still have some time to acclimate the kids, and ourselves, to the arrangement. I am glad we have this time because we need the baby steps. As I have mentioned before, there is a different structure of discipline to our two households, one that will need to be resolved before we can all live in the same house. We just need to sit down and talk that through, then include the kids so that they all are on the same page with the rules.
One thing I was able to do last Sunday was to talk to DS3 about the possibility of TK and his children moving in. I had not done that yet, and unfortunately my hand was forced so I had to make the best of the situation. To my surprise, DS3 was perfectly fine with it. He did have a few questions, and asked to take over DS1’s bedroom, which was a surprise to me. Although it wasn’t the original plan, as soon as I realized he wanted to do it, I knew the bedroom arrangements would then all work out fine – everyone should be happy. Leave it to the kid to come up with a plan that suits everyone.
Except DS1, that is. He’s home from college this weekend, and although I had brought it up to him first, back in October, I haven’t discussed it much more with him in recent months. Mostly because I didn’t even ask TK til January. I am sure he will be okay with it, and giving up his room to his little brother should be an easier pill to swallow. He has technically moved out on his own as it is, but I want him to know he is always welcome to come home.
The baby steps have helped to some extent, in my opinion. I think it’s much better to ease into this gradually, work out the kinks and get everything smoothed out before the big move. Not that there haven’t been a few struggles in the process - the discipline issue for one. DS3 has pointed out several incidents he would have gotten in trouble for (which of course DS2 finds hilariously ironic). But to me it just points to the fact that DS3 does listen to me, and has learned that the rules are important. But more importantly, he sees the reasoning behind them, like basic good manners.
I try to speak to DS3 when these things happen, explain the situations and how I am dealing with the issues. Last night, his comment was, “Well, when will it start working??!!” I understand the frustration of a ten-year-old – patience is not exactly a strong suit of mine. So it’s even more important that TK and I are able to find time (soon) to discuss these things. In his defense, he did have a talk with his kids the other night, on their way home from my house. It appears to have had a small impact, but there are so many more things to get through that Mr. Impatient just can’t see the forest for the trees. Oh, he is his mother’s son.
We gotta take the baby steps because I want this to work. I want us to be a family, and so does TK.
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