The One

When you find the one you are supposed to be with for the rest of your life, I am not entirely certain that everyone experiences the same physical symptoms. I mean, some people claim to feel a shock or jolt when touching the other person for the first time, while others have said they experienced fireworks when they shared their first kiss. Me? Well, it’s complicated, but I can guarantee you TK still gives me butterflies.

You see, I know that my first marriage was NOT to the man of my dreams. It was the next logical step in our relationship, and if I had known then what I know now…blah, blah, blah. Regret is a strong word, but going through experiences in your life are what help you to grow and mature, and it’s not like we get a do-over, you know? So I lived and learned. But no, no fireworks, no shock, nothing. I did get two amazing boys out of it, which was the best part.

The second time around…I thought we were soul mates. He pursued me, it took me a while to come around, and eventually I did fall in love with him. At least the HIM that he was then. I don’t recall butterflies or fireworks, but more of a slow warming over time. And then after the wedding, he became a different person, a person I did not like and eventually could not even stand to be around. He knows even now that he has problems, but until he takes that first step… In any event, I took my lumps and moved on.

When I first saw TK, I was not looking for a boyfriend. Heck, I didn’t even want to get married again. He caught my eye at a ball game, and I obviously caught his several times. After the season was over, I contacted him, and we have been together ever since. That first week was full of emails and texts as we got to know each other. Every time I saw his name on my phone, I got a thrill that he was even responding, let alone seeming interested in me.

We had a lot in common, and had an easy rapport with each other. I couldn’t wait to hear from him again, and we stayed up late texting every night. I couldn’t eat, I was giddy all the time, I always had a smile on my face, I was excited to get out of bed to see if there was a text from him. Yes, I knew it was infatuation, but it was so much fun! I had dated several guys in the last few years but none seriously. And I had spent a lot of time working on myself, so when this happened, I wasn’t expecting it. Yet it seemed so natural, and perfect, and I was enjoying myself immensely.

We arranged for him to come to my house for a date at the end of the first week. I was nervous, but excited. I couldn’t remember ever feeling this way about someone, let alone so quickly. We talked for hours, and I could tell he was somewhat shy – whether because of me or his personality, I wasn’t sure. Then it was so late that it was morning and he said he should probably go home. Because I had been working on getting out of my comfort zone, I leaned over and kissed him. Yes, there were fireworks. Fireworks to go along with the butterflies that had found a home in my tummy from the moment I had laid eyes on him.

I am not one to jump in with both feet, so I did hold myself back and make sure he knew that nothing else was going to happen that night. It wasn’t til a few days later that I found out that he had been experiencing the same “symptoms” I had – the loss of appetite, almost-permanent smile, giddiness, butterflies, etc. Knowing the reaction I was causing in him made me realize that maybe I had met someone who would want to be with me.

I know it’s not that easy – that we don’t just decide to BE with someone after a week. But don’t you ever wonder about those people who get married after only knowing each other a few months? I mean, how could you know enough about that person to commit your life to them? But then I think about what I have been through – two marriages to two men that I dated for two years before the wedding(s).

I am 45 years old. I am pretty sure at this age that I know exactly what I want, especially from what I have had and don’t want to repeat from my past. And it didn’t just happen overnight for me; it took a while. I wanted to make sure it wasn’t just infatuation, though I have read that after 3-6 months, infatuation wanes and if it’s not true love, you’ll know. It’s been seven months now, and we show no signs of slowing down. Granted, if you ask him, he’ll say he knew from Day 1. Maybe I did, too, but I wanted to be careful, I don’t know. He did tell me he loved me first, after about 6 weeks, but I already knew by then, too. Both that I loved him AND that he loved me – I could see it in his eyes.

He told me today that he has been at points in his life where he felt like he had to settle, take what he got and make the best of it. But with me, he doesn’t feel like he has to settle. I am glad. No one should have to settle, although I think we both have in our past lives. I don’t feel like I am settling, either. Far from it…I have found someone who brings out the best in me, and that I want to make happy for the rest of his life.

He still sends shivers down my spine, his kiss can make me melt, seeing his name light up my phone still makes my heart race, and just the thought of him gives me butterflies. In a few months, he and his kids will be moving in with us, and I cannot wait to start our life together. Marriage is not as important to either of us as it probably once was, but we also have not ruled it out. He made a promise to me, and I made the same one to him. I think for two wounded people who eventually find the person that fits all the pieces back together, that is enough. Just be happy.