Interestingly enough, I have never been the jealous type. There have been moments where if I had not been secure in the knowledge of how I felt about myself and my relationship (at the time), I could easily have turned into a green-eyed monster (the fact that I have green eyes not withstanding). But when I enter a committed relationship, that’s how I see it – from both sides. I expect both of us to be faithful, so harmless flirting aimed at my partner means nothing to me. I am confident, but a little too much attention thrown his way and I might have to say something.
This past Saturday, TK and I were sitting on the couch while the kids played board games in the other room. He received about 5-6 text messages in a row, and I assumed they were from work. I happened to glance over and see a name at the top of the screen, with all the text messages from “her” down the left, though no responses sent from him. And I got this feeling, irrational as it was, in the pit of my stomach. I recognized it immediately, and then felt ashamed. But I get it now. And I didn’t like it at all. I am as confident in myself as I ever have been, moreso even. I am an observant sort, being a scientist and all, and I KNOW I have never heard that name mentioned before. I thought perhaps it was work, sending him texts regarding some issue they were having, so I told myself to stop feeling that way. I had no reason to. I mean, he was with me, loves me, is committed to me, had just spent the entire day with me and my son, and didn’t want to leave. I should be thrilled, so I stopped. And then he told me about her.
Apparently, this is someone he used to work with years ago, and they were good friends but he hadn’t heard from her in months. She had texted him last week out of the blue, and so he had told her about me. She was texting to tell him that she hoped it worked out, that she didn’t want to see him get hurt, that I better take care of him (um, what? Who is this person?), and that when he gets married, she wants to be the best man!! OMG!! It was almost more than I could take. The M word has not fallen from our lips till he dropped it right then, and I was kinda shocked. She had asked if we were going to live together if we weren’t getting married right away, and I now wonder how much and exactly what he has told her!
The jealousy flew right out the window, though not without a thought that perhaps she had a thing for him at one point and it was not reciprocated. I mean, why be so protective? My brother and cousin might act that way, because my cousin is like my brother, and guys do that, especially relatives. But not this way around, not usually. (Plus I looked her up on Facebook – yeah, no need to be jealous at all.)
In any event, he then proceeds to tell me that his boss was asking the same things last week. His response was that it was on the table, that we hadn’t even really discussed it, and that they needed to stop pushing and give us time to talk about it. Again, I wonder how much he has told his boss! It seems that he has discussed more with these people than with me. But, then again, I have done the same thing in talking with my girlfriends…it’s what us girls do! We think out loud over lunch or drinks because our friends help us put things into perspective. I guess men do it, too? Guess it makes sense.
Let me mention something here. A few months ago, TK told me one night that he sometimes fantasizes about coming home to me every night…talking, cooking dinner, doing chores, watching television, that sort of thing. I understood that to mean that we’d at least have to be living together for that to happen, and probably why he hedged it by asking if it was okay if he told me something, wanting to prepare me for something…he didn’t want me to get antsy like I had with the girlfriend label (it had only been a week, okay???!!!). And I told him that would be lovely. It stopped there, but at least we were taking baby steps, right?
A month later, I mention to him in a text that I would love to wake up next to him every day. He made a joke, and I said I was serious, and…crickets. Finally, he responded that it sounded nice but to be honest, it scared him. He said it was probably due to trust issues he had to deal with, and nothing to do with me. Which I can relate to, because that’s my stance on marriage at this point. A few weeks later, I brought this up again, and he told me that it had sounded like a marriage proposal at the time and it freaked him out a little. Really? And I said, “So it’s okay for you to bring these things up but not for me? That’s not fair. And that’s what you had implied two months ago with wanting to come home to me every night.” He then told me that that was “a while ago” and he doesn’t feel that way anymore, he knows what he wants now. Well, okay, but I am still not going to be the one to start this discussion…I need to know that he’s ready because it didn’t go any further that night.
So now that you know where we stood on living together and marriage up til this past Saturday, you can imagine I was quite surprised to find out he had been thinking about it, let alone talking about it! And once the shock wore off (though I think I managed to keep a poker face!), I asked if that’s what he wanted, eventually. And he said yes, that’s what he would eventually like. I didn’t ask which – moving in or marriage – but figure it’s bound to come up again soon.
And I am soooo not jealous anymore. :-) Maybe a little scared, extraordinarily happy, but NOT jealous!!
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