Having been married twice to two totally different men (and I use that term loosely as maturity was lacking in both - their one similarity), I had a pretty good idea of how the male mind worked. I had read "Men are from Mars..." by John Gray, as well as "The Five Love Languages". I knew that I liked words of affirmation and touch - those were my languages, and yet no matter how hard I tried, I had not been able to get #2 to realize what I needed from him. He truly believed that what worked for him should work for me, too, and wasn't willing to understand what needed to happen to make our marriage work. Selfish, yes, as many addicts are. And yet another reason things didn't work out, but I digress.
My focus was on what I thought I wanted. I wasn't sure I ever wanted to get married again (though I will never say never), but dating wass okay. I just wanted to find someone that I could be friends with, and see what happened. I think many single women feel that way, especially those of us who are able to support ourselves and aren't looking for a mate to do that for us. (And please don't think I am putting those women down - I am not, I am just not one of them.) Because of my independence and freedom, I thought that a perfect relationship for me would be with someone, possibly another single parent, who perhaps didn't have a lot of free time, either. I thought maybe we could get together on occasion, have dinner or drinks or go to a game, talk, etc. A nice, casual friendship that could turn into something more.
As I mentioned previously, I did try online dating, but after several passes through various sites, I gave up. I just don't have the time to devote to it, and decided I'd just try to meet someone the old-fashioned way. I had even dated an old college boyfriend - I think he was trying to relive his youth or something, but I gave it a go. He was an excellent prospect in the beginning, though, because 1) I already knew him, and 2) he lived 4 hours away! What better way to have a casual relationship than to have a long-distance one? (Please, save the 2x4s for later.) Anyway, it didn't work out for other reasons, but that was one helluva boring drive.
Earlier this year, my cousin came to visit and brought his best friend with him. I had only ever seen this boy/man one other time, and had readily dismissed him at the time. This time, there were some sparks. After they left, I messaged him on Facebook and that started what can only be labeled as a friends-with-benefits situation. I knew what I was getting into with him. I also knew from the beginning that he was NOT boyfriend material, but I didn't care. I just wanted to have some fun, and that I did. He lived two hours away, so we texted a lot and visited when we could. Which ended up not being a lot considering he ended up not fulfilling the "friends" part of the relationship. Lesson learned.
In the meantime, I started running again. Another high school friend who lived in Florida had taken up running a few years before, and I started asking him for advice, which he readily gave. Yes, he was single and cute and probably a little too far away for even a long-distance relationship, so I kept this strictly on the friends level. A few times I have wondered if he felt otherwise, but he has never come right out and said so, so I let it go. No assuming here.
Anyway, I ran. And I got a little better every week. Then I signed up for my first half-marathon, to fulfill something on my bucket list. I was so excited! But pretty nervous, too. Still, the running was helping me in other areas, like losing weight, toning up and having so much more energy. Plus it's great (free!) therapy! I love to run!
My youngest decided to play baseball this past summer, so while he was at practice, I ran. It seemed like the best time to do it (squeeze it in when I have time!), and there was a trail there anyway...what excuse did I have? Plus, maybe if I was running where there were cute guys, I just might meet one. Score! One more reason to love running! If said guy was also active, and a runner, then we would have a lot in common already. And didn't I at least want someone I had things in common with?
It just so happens that I did meet someone - though at his baseball games, not at practice. Seems that one night, this cute guy showed up. My friends and I had not seen this person at any of the practices (that we could recall), nor at any of the games to date. It did not take long to figure out which child he belonged to, as there was quite a resemblance. During the game, I glanced at him a few times, only to find him always looking my way. Hmmm. He didn't really smile, but then he didn't glare at me, either. I wasn't sure if that was a good sign or not.
He came to several other games, though it appeared he worked late a lot and sometimes came straight from work. One night, he came to the cages while the boys had batting practice. Just so happens I was running the trail, and lo and behold, there he was. Of course, I was looking particularly sweaty and hot!! And I don't mean atrractive-hot! Still, I kept finding him looking my way. As he sat on the ground to watch his son take his turn, I almost sat down next to him to talk, but I couldn't find the courage. He was cute, I'll give him that. He looked to be about my age as well. Then I noticed his shirt had a familiar restaurant logo on it, and my heart sank.
This takes me back to what I thought I wanted...I thought I wanted someone who had an education, a degree, a career. Someone who could support themselves, was self-sufficient. Could I date someone who worked in the restaurant industry? I hope that doesn't sound snobbish, because that's not how I intend it at all. It's just that after #2, I got burned and I thought I couldn't handle dealing with someone who didn't have his sh*t together. Though the fact that he worked for a major company didn't mean he didn't have a fairly decent job. I decided that at least I wouldn't hold that against him, in the off chance I would ever learn more about him.
So, the moral of this story? Be careful about setting your expectations too high. You could be limiting yourself from the most amazing people. What I thought I wanted? It didn't matter. Because as soon as I saw him, I think I was gone. It was even better to find out that he was, too. More on that next time. :-)
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